


Hiraeth

by authenticiTEA



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Depersonalization, Gen, Unsympathetic Light Sides - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 12:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20907515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authenticiTEA/pseuds/authenticiTEA
Summary: “Logan’s not here, let’s act like it.”Logan had been abandoned by his family, the people he works so hard for approval, but in the end he wasn't important enough for them to keep around.





	Hiraeth

_”Just because you don't want me, doesn't mean I didn't want you. I miss you, but do you even miss me? Do you even remember me? Do you remember the day I was tossed out like a a piece of trash? It’s slipping my memory yet it haunts me all the time. All I know now is I'm living with strangers that call themself family, but I know my true family. My heart still needs you.”_

Logan looked down at his journal and his eyelids felt heavy. He stared down at his hands and they didn’t even feel like they were connected to his body. The very pen in his hand felt foreign to his ghost like body. His vision kept going in and out of focus as as he stared at the journal. All the sudden he heard the grandfather clock echo through ears, ringing as he tried to focus on grounding himself.

_One...two...seven...eight...nine._

It’s too damn early in the night for this. He shook his head again and re read what he wrote. He doesn’t remember writing this? He dated it and took his deep breath, heavy was in his chest weigh him down to that of an anvil. Limbs nothing but lead as he laid on his chair trying to just exist. He moved to the floor, because he just couldn’t be arsed with making it to the bed, and upon hitting the ground flashes of being tossed away flooded his memory, and instantly associated with the memory of felt as if he was drowning in the cold deep blue sea with a barbed wired wrapping tighter and tighter around his heart with only one goal

Break his heart in two.

Logan’s body remains heavy and unmoving in the floor as as he stares up at the man in the moon, his only friend, but even then he wasn’t consistent and only showed himself in phases. Why did it feel like such a large piece of his life was missing? As he gazed up and out of the window he kept getting a feeling as if he was being separated from someone. He couldn’t explain it, he couldn’t explain anything. Green and yellow danced around and across his vision , an overlay of the scenery behind it. He must be really out of it. He closed his eyes and all of the sudden he let out a pained scream and curled in a fetal position.

_He remembers now. _

They didn’t want him. They gave him up. They threw him aside because he was broken. Damaged goods, and even then he wasn’t deserving of the titles damaged goods, because at least people want a dented can to get discounts. He wasn’t good for them. They didn’t want him for anything. Alone and abandoned. He just laid there. Didn’t they care? Obviously not if they just tossed him to the side, to be taken by the dark sides. Even though it was not anatomically possible, Logan felt as if his heart had collapsed and fell down to his stomach, burning in his stomach acid. The worst part? He still loved them. He loved every single one of them. They may not remember his name day, his name, they say they threw him away, but he remembers what it felt like to belong, but even then, the feeling was fleeting as he laid there each day.

Each day prolonging the pain, the wound growing deeper and deeper. How could he spend so many nights sobbing for the very same people who didn’t even want him. Of course, Deceit and Remus said that they were his family now, but they didn’t feel right either. He had no family. One was a ghost of what once was and this was...what he had now was just a substitute for the one he wanted. The one he needed. However at the end of the day he still slaved himself to earn the approval of Deceit and Remus, scared of being abandoned again, a second time. He hasn’t even reunited with the light sides. He doesn’t think he could bear seeing their faces, he couldn’t handle them rejecting him and laughing at him for thinking they could mend what had been broken. It just felt like everything was taken from him, hell, even his name. He wasn’t logic anymore. He was apathy. Nothing felt right. He didn’t identify with what Remus and Deceit have given him, but it felt...wrong to be associating himself with the ones that had deserted him.

Is identity was in shambles and he was caving in.


End file.
